Eleana Gogoi

 

I was threatened with acid attack. Being a trans person in this world is still no less than base jumping. With maturity, I have started ignoring ignorance. But there was a certain phase that left me mentally startled. It was a few years back when I went live on FB. People started spewing hate, talking trash about my choice of dressing and appearance. I often receive hate comments but this time I could not hold back. In defending myself, I spat out anything and everything that crossed my mind. What happened next was someone screenrecorded that, cropped out the comments to make me look like the bad person and posted it. Youtubers started roasting me and the footage was viral within days. I felt helpless at the time. My friends left me and my boyfriend broke up with me all at the same time. People, even from the transgender community called me up and threatened me, mentioned acid attack. Acid could ruin my career forever. I was really scared after this and reported everything to the police. The YouTuber apologized to me. I made new friends later, but since that incident I kept mostly to myself. 

During the time of my first relationship, I was declared the winner of a modelling contest. That was when I met my husband for the first time. He was a judge. I could see his interest in me but I kept it to just small talk. Few years later, I took part in a pageant held in Delhi. Coincidentally, he was in the audience. We got to talking and eventually he invited me to his friend's room. I was sceptical but went despite it. In front of all his friends he proposed to me that night in a really special way.  I did not accept it immediately because we weren't well acquainted yet. I came back home and we were constantly in touch. Days passed and one day he  said he would like an answer. I accepted his proposal and there was no reason not to. We connected instantly, to put it in a different way, we just zinged. He has always supported me and been my biggest fan. There are no petty fights about my wardrobe choices, he never doubts me like my previous boyfriends did. In fact  we were all set to get married- the venue was booked, but couldn't because of the lockdown.

All this while, throughout my transition to my modelling career, my parents have been so supportive. I can assure you no parent would want their son to transition. Even though female transition into a male, it is still harder for the male to transition into female. We are constantly on the verge of receiving taunts from the society. My own relatives would comment about my choices. Since childhood I have stood up for myself. So although they are my relatives and my mother urges me not to, I am the kind to answer back because I want to live my life on my own terms. In my conservative neighbourhood, not a girl but I was the first to wear shorts. I also joined gym. This made everyone very cynical of me. At every family gathering I would be the central topic. I did bad at math in my 9th standard's half yearly exam and every relative kept calling me. There is hardly mention of my cousin despite him failing his boards twice and being an alcoholic. I also have a sibling and in comparison I had almost no freedom growing up. That is a prior reason why I settled in Guwahati with the first chance I had. I am at a much better and happier place now. But of course, people of my community are often subject to slurs. I have seen and heard people using "Hijra" as a slang without having the least knowledge about them. "Hijra" is an Arabic word which means "Pabitra Aatma". Life of transgenders and transsexuals like myself is, without exaggeration, a tragedy. Everyday I hope for a society that is kinder to people and more acceptable  of everyone's choices."